where physics and life collide
Posts tagged ridiculous
Losing control
02 years ago
Clearly, with all the excitement that comes along with proton beams and collisions, it’s easy for us to get a little ahead of ourselves. In all honesty, we simply get a bit cocky when we’re setting world records on a weekly basis — in the context of high energy particle physics, of course. As such, we feel it’s appropriate to push the limits, in many areas of our lives.
One such area in which the boundaries have recently become blurred is in electronic communication. Now, CERN is no stranger to ridiculous e-mail incidents, but I feel like the past week has exposed a new and dangerous beast.
In the past two weeks, my inbox has exploded. I’ve received over 2000 e-mails related to the naturally exciting developments we’ve been a part of recently. As such, it’s reasonable that the authors of these many messages might have stopped paying attention to details. The occasional mis-capitalization, excessive use of commas, and over-use of the phrase “in principle” are not new features to e-mails passed around CERN. However, I saw something for the first time this week which truly stunned me.
In a salutation of an e-mail sent to one of the many e-mail lists of which I am a member, I saw something truly special. Consider this e-mail:
Hi *,
I’m addressing everyone on the list, and I clearly have to say whatever it is I’m saying quickly. I’ve demonstrated that in my salutation.
Regards,
Me
At first, I was baffled. After an instant, though, I realized what he was doing. I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from seeing this.
To my collaborators: please, don’t. Don’t do that. Stop.
Building numbers revealed!
12 years ago
If you have ever been to CERN you know that the building numbers here don’t make a damn bit of sense. If they do follow any kind of scheme, it’s not a scheme that helps you find buildings.
Building 3 is adjacent to 4, but connecting them is building … 58! About one km away is building 57. And no, it’s not chronological, because the most recent one built was 41, whereas certain older buildings are labeled in the 800′s.
Well today is a big day in my life, for I’ve just discovered, after seven years of bafflement, that there is a method behind the madness! The method, it turns out, is stupid as hell. It is revealed by this single-slide PowerPoint presentation:
building numbering revealed
We are eternally grateful to M. Fabrice Chapuis for finally bringing this to light.
I’d like to highlight some features of this numbering scheme:
- Buildings 400-499 are reserved for “Roads, Car Parks, Storage Zones”. Wait, what? Buildings ≠ Roads.
- Buildings 1000-1099 are reserved for “Roads, Car Parks, Storage Zones”. Buildings ≠ Roads.
- Almost every building at CERN could be called an office building, because they almost all have mostly offices in them.
- There are three CERN Hostel buildings, a budget onsite hotel for visitors. Two of these, 38 and 41, are rare examples of buildings with no offices whatsoever. Yet they are classified under “Offices and Laboratories.”
- Why use such limited number ranges? For example, we’re already up to 188 out of 199 under “Workshops, Warehouses and Garages.” And by the way, 188 is mostly an office building.
- Why is there a gap between 549 and 860? This will slowly drive me insane, if I’m not already.
I guess I’m glad to finally know the secret, but I think my head is going to explode anyway.
E-mail Etiquette
12 years ago
CERN Lovers,
Please, allow us to suggest a template for your use when composing e-mails to a working group, or even for your use in everyday communication with colleagues:
The _____ (1) is enabled only for people on _____ (2), coipled[sic] to _____ (3). People not holdig[sic] any expert role are thus not able any longeer[sic] to open a terminal in _____ (4), nor to do any operation on _____ (5). This will stay like this from now on.
Legend:
(1) Insert role here
(2) Insert roster for horrible job here
(3) Insert barely-working scheduling software here
(4) Insert dismal office area here
(5) Insert barely-working physics software here
NB: incorrect spelling is encouraged, and correct grammar should be used sparingly.
Best,
lovehurts
Playing a serious game of catch…
02 years ago
hurtling water bottle
… with a water bottle. A plastic water bottle, full, possibly unopened. On the green lawn in the evening, outside the patio of R1,
CERN’s pre-eminent cafeteria. Three summer students, with earnest demeanor, spent their evening hours dramatically cocking back their throwing arms as if pitching baseballs, and throwing a water bottle to each other, 50 meters apart, back and forth.
Not laughing. Not joking. Just throwing and catching. As professional athletes do.
where it happened
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Catch this plastic water bottle, intercept its hard corners. Touch its pregnant belly so full of water, as it hurtles towards your face. It is not a baseball; it is a water bottle.
Dan Brown, you know nothing of CERN. We don’t need frisbees; we have water bottles.
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