It’s true; scientists need a few gentle reminders every once in a while in order to maintain order and cleanliness.  Just take a walk through CERN’s Restaurant 1 in the middle of the lunch hour, and you’ll be swarmed with a multitude of all-too-unpleasant smells resulting from lack of hygiene.  In many cases, a not-so-subtle scolding from a significant other will have an effect.  But, when it comes to more mundane habits like keeping one’s hands clean, we physicists really need more active guidance.  Therefore, CERN has implemented a 12 Step Program designed to educate its community in the ways of hand hygiene.  Nowadays, posted in several of the public lavatories around the lab, you’ll be lucky enough to find detailed instructions:

A tutorial.

From now on, you’ll never have to remember this intricate process yourself!  An especially useful tool for physicsists, this should also ensure prevention of a massive H1N1 pandemic here at CERN.  By following these steps (Wet, Soap, Wrists, Palms, Back of hands, Between fingers, Fingertips, Swirl fingertips, Thumbs, Rinse, Dry, and Turn off taps), you should have no problem keeping your hands squeaky clean.  Finally, if you have questions or feedback, feel free to jot your thoughts down on the poster in green ink.

stairway descending to the lavabo

Restaurant 1 (R1) is the main CERN “restaurant” (but let’s be honest here, it’s a cafeteria). Around the corner, underground, is a lavabo, a beautiful French word meaning “toilets.” I hopped down the stairs and breezed in to what is probably the largest men’s room at CERN, heading for the urinals, when my nonchalant progress was checked by a considerable pool of water covering the entire floor. As I re-assessed my surroundings, I saw a 10-year old boy holding a baby on his arm while standing at the urinal.

My eyes processed this scene quickly; I felt confusion, then looked again to make sure the boy wasn’t a woman, as if a woman standing at a urinal in the men’s room makes more sense. Becoming flustered, I jumped over the edge of the water and locked myself inside a stall, where I attempted in vain to comprehend what I had just seen.

It’s too bad they don’t have CERN toilets on Diaroogle yet, or else I could have avoided this scenario.