CERN Love » e-mail http://www.cernlove.org/blog where physics and life collide Wed, 07 Dec 2011 22:53:57 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Losing control http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/12/losing-control/ http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/12/losing-control/#comments Wed, 09 Dec 2009 07:00:08 +0000 lovehurts http://www.cernlove.org/blog/?p=1135 Clearly, with all the excitement that comes along with proton beams and collisions, it’s easy for us to get a little ahead of ourselves.  In all honesty, we simply get a bit cocky when we’re setting world records on a weekly basis — in the context of high energy particle physics, of course.  As such, we feel it’s appropriate to push the limits, in many areas of our lives.

One such area in which the boundaries have recently become blurred is in electronic communication.  Now, CERN is no stranger to ridiculous e-mail incidents, but I feel like the past week has exposed a new and dangerous beast.

In the past two weeks, my inbox has exploded.  I’ve received over 2000 e-mails related to the naturally exciting developments we’ve been a part of recently.  As such, it’s reasonable that the authors of these many messages might have stopped paying attention to details.  The occasional mis-capitalization, excessive use of commas, and over-use of the phrase “in principle” are not new features to e-mails passed around CERN.  However, I saw something for the first time this week which truly stunned me.

In a salutation of an e-mail sent to one of the many e-mail lists of which I am a member, I saw something truly special.  Consider this e-mail:

Hi *,

I’m addressing everyone on the list, and I clearly have to say whatever it is I’m saying quickly.  I’ve demonstrated that in my salutation.

Regards,

Me

At first, I was baffled.  After an instant, though, I realized what he was doing.  I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from seeing this.

To my collaborators: please, don’t.  Don’t do that.  Stop.

]]> http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/12/losing-control/feed/ 0 E-mail Etiquette http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/10/e-mail-etiquette/ http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/10/e-mail-etiquette/#comments Wed, 14 Oct 2009 06:00:44 +0000 lovehurts http://www.cernlove.org/blog/?p=92 CERN Lovers,
Please, allow us to suggest a template for your use when composing e-mails to a working group, or even for your use in everyday communication with colleagues:

The _____ (1) is enabled only for people on _____ (2), coipled[sic] to _____ (3). People not holdig[sic] any expert role are thus not able any longeer[sic] to open a terminal in _____ (4), nor to do any operation on _____ (5). This will stay like this from now on.

Legend:

(1) Insert role here

(2) Insert roster for horrible job here

(3) Insert barely-working scheduling software here

(4) Insert dismal office area here

(5) Insert barely-working physics software here

NB: incorrect spelling is encouraged, and correct grammar should be used sparingly.

Best,
lovehurts

]]> http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/10/e-mail-etiquette/feed/ 1 How I did NOT find an apartment http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/09/how-i-did-not-find-an-apartment/ http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/09/how-i-did-not-find-an-apartment/#comments Wed, 30 Sep 2009 06:00:26 +0000 lovehurts http://www.cernlove.org/blog/?p=223 Everyone that moves to CERN gets to experience it: the apartment hunt.  Missed appointments, shitty furnishings, and questionably strange landlords are just a few of the guaranteed spices one tastes when sampling the Housing Buffet in Geneva and its nearby French villages.

Recently, I expressed interest to a certain CERN engineer who was advertising a studio in St. Genis for a reasonable price.  I visited, and told him immediately that I would take the apartment.  After informing me that there was one other competitor in the queue to visit the unit, he said that he would contact me at the beginning of the following week with information about applying for the apartment.  It was CLEAR that day that both myself and my rival would be applying, and that it would be up to the rental agency as to which of us got to start a lease.  Needless to say, I was skeptical…

By Tuesday of the next week, I had not heard from said engineer, so I wrote him a message:

Engineer,
Is there any news about the apartment?  Will I still be able to submit an application?
Regards
lovehurts

…no response…

Wednesday, Thursday…no response…

On Friday, I received this e-mail from my engineer-friend:

Dear lovehurts,
the studio is renting now
have a good day
best regards
P

(NB: This was NOT in response to my follow-up e-mail.  Nay, he sent this e-mail as a response to my initial message to him, in which I expressed interest in visiting the studio…)

In case that’s not clear to the readers, allow me to translate:

Dear lovehurts,

Hey asshole,

the studio is renting now

Fuck you!

have a good day

Fuck you again!

best regards

Do not ever speak to me or attempt to contact me again,

P

–The Engineer

]]> http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/09/how-i-did-not-find-an-apartment/feed/ 0 The Lepton is broken http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/09/the-lepton-is-broken/ http://www.cernlove.org/blog/2009/09/the-lepton-is-broken/#comments Mon, 28 Sep 2009 06:00:00 +0000 biglove http://www.cernlove.org/blog/?p=93 The Lepton is broken

A CERN research scientist recently sent me this email:

Conference room Lepton is broken, please take a look.
Thanks.

the Lepton

the Lepton

To learn more about leptons, see the Wikipedia entry.

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