where physics and life collide
What is it for?
Around town: Milk to go
22 years ago
Here it is — it’s 8.48pm. You’ve just scarfed half a package of biscotti, with a little help from your friend Nutella. The next thought is, “Jesus, I need some milk.” As you sashay your way to the refrigerator, you start to remember — maybe you finished the milk last night? Did you have it with your cereal this morning? Opening the door to the cold box, your worst fears are realized. OMFG YOU’RE OUT OF MILK. What will you do? You know, and I know, that all the stores in the immediate 100km closed long ago, as you live on the Franco-Swiss border. As it would appear, you are shit out of luck.
…unless you reside in the wonderful community of St-Genis! The city organizers recently rallied in an effort to eliminate late-night milk famine, and have provided the citizens of their locality with a novel addition to the main round-about’s plaza. That’s right, folks. St-Genis now has a milk vending machine:
The mirage.
Whether you drink milk by the cupful or by the liter, this machine will serve your needs. With a flashy and shiny exterior, I’m convinced that any passers-by will be drawn to its majesty as I was. Hell, with that adorable bovine face peering out at you, how could you resist? Fuck the grocers — this thing is open 24/24, 7/7.
I’m licking my lips just thinking about it.
HOT AIR 160° C FOOD HOSE
02 years ago
My 2010 New Year’s resolution is to eat/drink/inhale all my food/liquid/oxygen through this HOT AIR 160° C FOOD HOSE.
Mysteries of the water tower
12 years ago
Dearest CERN Lovers,
Today I would like to share a few mysteries surrounding the CERN water tower that have confounded me for years, as well as partial explanations I’ve heard that sound plausible but may or may not be true. I am a seeker, always striving to know and to comprehend, so if you have heard other explanations, I invite you to share them.
- Why did CERN originally build a water tower?
An Explanation: to cool one of the experiments (heard this from a well-known physicist). - What is it used for today?
An Explanation: drinking water - Why was it painted yellow?
An Explanation: Because a bright yellow eyesore is better than a concrete-colored eyesore. - Why was it only partially painted yellow?
An Explanation: an Italian firm was taking so long to paint it and increasing their price as they went that CERN management got fed up and called it off before it was finished (heard this from a crazy person). - Why does a water tower need a viewing room at the top surrounded by windows?
No known explanation
Any help you can offer to resolve these mysteries would be much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Biglove
Pipe in a box
02 years ago
metal box with pipe sticking out
Once upon a time, near the vineyards, past a parking lot, where the grass and flowers grow, at the farthest southeast corner of CERN, lived a metal box. This box sat alone and wore a hat. It was also a naughty box and had such a massive erection that a custom-made frame was required to support it. The box did not live near any buildings at all.There was nothing around the box but a few parked cars and grassy fields.
All day long, the box sat and ejaculated warm air and wet drops of some unidentified liquid out into the sunny Swiss air.
Useless Orifice
32 years ago
Oh my god. I am a CERN user. Hence, I am priveleged enough to have the opportunity to interact with a very special group of people here at the lab: the Users’ Office. Today, I will introduce you to this incredibly useful resource by holding a tutorial on the use of their website; trust me — you’ll need help. Feel free to follow along with the screenshots presented below, or have a look at the site yourself: Start Here!
A great start to a great site.
Say you have one (1) task to accomplish on the U.O. website:
- You need to figure out what is required for a move to CERN (e.g., from your home institution)
That’s it. To begin, you have a few options based on the offerings on the lovely home page. Intuitively, you would choose to click on the ‘Before Coming to CERN’ link. After clicking, up pops a lovely PDF file with a flowchart; after three minutes of perusing this, you realize it’s the flowchart from hell. In fact, you’re not even sure where to go from the first balloon. Back to the drawing board. Glancing again at the home page, you think, “Perhaps it’s useful to read the Newcomers Guide — after all, it’s on my to-do list.” After clicking the link (NB: you can choose the link from the menu sidebar or from the body of the page), you’re shocked and astounded by the transformation which has taken place. (more…)
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