where physics and life collide
Considering cafeterias
Should we be concerned?
Aug 11th
I’m here today to talk about flooring. The kind people walk on. I’ve seen a lot of floors in my time, from the linoleum tile my dear old mother installed all by herself in our humble kitchen when I was a wee lad, all the way to the 2000-year old tile floor in the Vatican Museum that supports millions of visiting feet per year with nary a scratch … after being transported thousands of miles by slaves and horses, that is! I’ve walked on a lot of floors throughout the entire world, and I can say with absolute honesty that every single one of ‘em has succeeded in supporting my weight; that every last one of ‘em has remained flat and avoided caving in under my feet, thanks to the laws of gravity, strong building materials, and good workmanship. Because I say that the only thing you would ever ask a floor to do is, well, nothing at all! You would ask that floor to stay flat and motionless, and to bear your weight across it, repeatedly, for years on end. You would never ask that floor to cave in under your feet; to crumble pathetically under the weight of a hundred kilo or so; to turn to rubble in the course of nominal daily usage. That’s why floor-makers get paid; I’ll go so far as to venture that’s the only reason they get paid. I claim that the only thing required of a floor is not to cave in. Well, if you’re in agreement with that statement, then you’ll agree that the upper floor of CERN’s Restaurant 2 has utterly, abjectly failed in its incredibly simple mission. This is truly the first floor I have ever encountered that has been unable to bear the strain of human feet, and the failure of it and its builders fills me with a deep-seated disgust and enduring concern.
We’re getting testy
Mar 10th
One disgruntled physicist who sits in Building 40 is fed up. Remind me to never leave my coffee dishes anywhere near this dude(ette).
Public spaces NOT to be used for dish storage.
If we're not testing the parameters of the standard model, we sure as hell are testing each other's patience...
Nobel Frenzy
Dec 4th
CERN has a fan-base. I think this is clear. There are consistently many tour groups found on the grounds of the lab, oggling and snapping photos of smelly scientists, lovely buildings, and mysterious dipoles.
But it’s important to realize something: CERN tends to shower its fair share of praise on others, as well. When Tom Hanks came to CERN, the whole lab was watching. When the LHC re-turn-on was successful a few weeks ago, all eyes were on Steve Myers and his team of experts (I actually considered asking Stevie for his autograph…). And now, we have a celebration ongoing which makes Oscar night look like a 6-year-old’s birthday party at the skating rink.
Not only is CERN breaking world records in the field of accelerator science, but also in the “number of Nobel Prize laureates sitting in the same room” category:
A plethora of badasses.
These demi-gods are here as a part of the celebration of 50 years of a quite remarkable high-energy physics program at CERN: From the PS to the LHC: 50 Years of Nobel Memories in High-Energy Physics (ProTip: PS stands for “proton synchrotron,” which was the first accelerator here at CERN)
Disclaimer:
These men are truly amazing. Their work has contributed (greatly) to the advancement of one of the most fascinating fields of physics the world has ever seen. Their pioneering accomplishments should not be undersold.
Rant:
When these people show up, CERN-ites effectively turn into crazy teen-age girls from a 1960s Beatles concert. The festivities span two days, with a series of lectures, given by those pictured above, covering the history and development of high-energy physics in the context of CERN. In addition, there was a gala held in their honor last night in the ever-famous Restaurant 1. Actually, the event completely shut down R1 operations around 14:00 (it was scheduled to start at 19:00), at which time appeared a new collection of decorated tables, old equipment from previous accelerators and detectors, and various interactive stations that visitors could visit to hear about what’s currently going on with the LHC. The best part: crowds of visitors (I’ve never seen most of the people at this party), huddled around the laureates, drooling over every word they spoke. I didn’t quite understand the fandom.
Okay, so it wasn’t all that bad. There was a SHITLOAD of free food — which was French and delicious — and an ASSTON of free wine — which was pretty good, too.
If you’d like to keep up with the festivities, take a gander at these links:
- Schedule of presentations (If you don’t see slides attached, it’s because the speaker chose to use an overhead projector. Yes, I’m serious.)
- Live webcast
- Advertisement poster
CERN coffee man
Sep 14th
CERN coffee man,
a cup of CERN espresso
I enter the courtyard.
CERN coffee man,
you make eye contact from behind your reading glasses and maintain it as I approach.
CERN coffee man,
your glasses are always on your face but you never use them for reading.
CERN coffee man,
your eyes are halfway behind your glasses and your expression is … quizzical.
CERN coffee man,
when I order coffee in French you answer in English.
CERN coffee man,
when I order coffee in English you answer in French.
An inexplicable scene in the lavabo
Sep 13th
stairway descending to the lavabo
Restaurant 1 (R1) is the main CERN “restaurant” (but let’s be honest here, it’s a cafeteria). Around the corner, underground, is a lavabo, a beautiful French word meaning “toilets.” I hopped down the stairs and breezed in to what is probably the largest men’s room at CERN, heading for the urinals, when my nonchalant progress was checked by a considerable pool of water covering the entire floor. As I re-assessed my surroundings, I saw a 10-year old boy holding a baby on his arm while standing at the urinal.
My eyes processed this scene quickly; I felt confusion, then looked again to make sure the boy wasn’t a woman, as if a woman standing at a urinal in the men’s room makes more sense. Becoming flustered, I jumped over the edge of the water and locked myself inside a stall, where I attempted in vain to comprehend what I had just seen.
It’s too bad they don’t have CERN toilets on Diaroogle yet, or else I could have avoided this scenario.
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